Change My Heart, O God

Editor's Note: This is from a dear friend of mine that I don't get to see or hear from very often. I just wanted to thank her for taking time out to write for us.

Change My Heart, O God

I want to share my heart about the things that God is sharing and dealing with me about.

In October of 2006, I got the news that my mother was in the hospital after suffering either a seizure or stroke. She was on a ventilator and could not talk. My sister, Ismay, and I and my husband, Bob, took off on a Friday evening and drove nonstop to Lubbock to see her. I was very reluctant to go, because I was afraid that she was playing a cruel joke, just trying as usual, to control her children. You see, the last conversation that I had with her, she was being mean and unreasonable, so I hung up on her.[@more@]

My relationship with my mother had been rocky all my life. I never quite lived up to her expectation of how to live. My job, place I lived, my friends, and especially the way I chose to worship God was never right. My parents were Jehovah's Witnesses for over forty years. As a teenager, I could no longer live with the lies and half-truths, the feeling of not being good enough. I felt that if I couldn't be good enough, I might as well have as much fun as I could. That kept me going for a few years. It wasn't until I was pregnant with my daughter, Lauren, that I made the decision to raise her to know the truth about God. When I was first saved, that was it, I was saved. When I finally had the nerve to tell my mom that I had been saved, she really was hurt.

My first thought when I saw my mother connected to all the tubes and monitors was unbelief. How could that be my mother? This was the moment that I realised how much control she had in my life. How could that be? I had been a born-again Christian for so many years, even being in leadership, everyone looked at me as a mature Christian. I really had to face some truths in my life.

Later that same day, as I stood at my mother's bedside and held her hand, the Lord spoke to my heart. "I am Lord." I knew in that moment that I had to let go of my mother. I had to let go of the idea that I could ever please her. I want more than anything to please God. Jesus died for my sins so that I could be free from any human opinions. Yes, I realise that I am no beauty queen and sometimes I make unwise choices, but there is a plan for my life and God sees what I can accomplish.

There is a choice that all Christians must make. Is Jesus just your savour or is He Lord of your life? I have heard many people say how much they are looking forward to heaven when God will change them into the image of Jesus in a twinkling of an eye. Yes, I look forward to heaven! But, for now I want God to change my heart a little each day. This way, the twinkling-of-eye-change won't be so drastic! It is not really a hard thing to do. All you have to do is let God know that it is what you want. If you sincerely have the desire, He will do all the hard work.

God has been showing me for quite a while that there are millions of sham-Christians in this country. There are people who go to church every Sunday, who have no clue who Jesus and the Father are. They don't even want to talk about the Holy Ghost…they think of Him as a joke. There is a wide open mission field right here in this country. Please, don't stop giving money to missions overseas, but recognise the responsibility that we have to not just tell others about the sacrifice of Jesus, but to also live the life of a redeemed Christian.

I will always treasure this event in my life, because I not only had the chance to tell my mother good-bye, but a chance to strengthen and build my relationship with my God.

Joan Zurn, Texas, USA